40. Lew Zealand (The Muppet Show) P - I throw the fish a-way-- and they come back to me! L - He's such a persistent fellow. P - Indeed, but he's never disappointed. L - Oh that's true. Very high spirits, even though he gets turned down, like... constantly. P - Completely constantly. In fact, the real reason he got hired was so Kermit didn't have to marry Piggy. You know, I always felt like Bill the Bubble Guy was just a copy off Lew. L - I wouldn't know. I've never seen Bill the Bubble Guy. But I love Lew. P - Lew is so funny. He's got such a weird voice too. I love it. Bill does a great job mimicking Jerry in this case. L - And Jerry did a WONDERFUL job, naturally! P - Well duh, he's Jerry. L - Jerry is Jerry? Really? Never would've guessed. Of COURSE Jerry is Jerry! P - *smirks* Did you ever stop to think that Lew is really good at catching things? L - ...Once in a while, yes, I HAVE considered that. How do they do that? It's gotta take a thousand takes... But then again, I'm thinking of my own catching skill, which is, um... non-existent? P - Hehehe, ditto. But yeah, I'd think it would take a lot of takes. L - So the persistence we see in Lew trying to do his act is probably just a reflection of the Muppeteers trying to get the shot! P - Haha! Something like that. Does Lew really have any relationships with any of the characters? He seems like a very self-entertaining kinda guy. L - ...Um, well... He's always got his fish! P - Gretchen... what other names are there? All I can think of were names I made up for fan-fic. L - ...Um... Wasn't there a 'Gloria'? P - Maybe... I don't know. L - <shrug> Poor Lew. His fish are so uncelebrated. P - By everyone but him. L - Good for Lew. Celebrate the fish, Lew! Just for the halibut! P - ...I thought I delivered the lame jokes. L - Because you're the one who can think of them. It's not often that I think of them. I've gotta take advantage of it when I can! P - Oh. Well good for you. And good for Lew. I'd love to have seen him fight in MTI with a swordfish. L - ...That... would have been... AWESOME. And so Lew. P - SHA! And the poor guy didn't even get a speaking role. L - Basically... he's as unsung as his fish, really. P - Not true. He's been in every single Muppet movie. L - Well, true. But I think he made a deal with Kermit or something, what with the whole wedding thing... P - Haha! Oh someone should definitely elaborate on-- ...*busts out notebook* L - Do have fun with that. Should we move on? P - *scribbling* Huh? L - ...<ahem> NEXT! 39. Mokey Fraggle (Fraggle Rock) P - See the beetle sitting on the stone! L - I LOVE Mokey! She sang "Why," which led to me getting an A on a paper. P - Mokey is so awesome. She's such a quiet maniac. L - Except for when she has to take charge, like... When Gobo was gone, and there was the radish famine... P - Oh yes, then she was an outspoken maniac. But she can also be brave, like when she forgot to knit a tarpaulin for Madame Trash Heap and she froze over and Mokey had to put grease berries in the Gorg's goombah soup to make them taste awful so Junior would dump it on Marjorie. L - Oh, and remember that paper where I had Red and Mokey contrasted... I mentioned it earlier... P - Yes, yes. L - More to come. Hang on, lemme find it... P - *hangs on* L - Here it is: On Fraggle Rock, most of the Fraggles have arms on rods, like Kermit, but Mokey has “live” hands, meaning that her hands are like gloves that puppeteers put their hands in to manipulate. This allows her to paint, write, and play a clarinet-like instrument- actions that her personality mandates. P - I LOVE that about Mokey. She's SO expressive. L - She IS! She can even paint with her tail! P - SO cool. And she loves everyone! Even Doozers! L - I know! She has SUCH a big heart. P - And really pretty hair. L - Mm-hm. She's VERY pretty. P - She is. I believe she was voted sexiest Fraggle. ...*ahem* Moving on... L - Beg your pardon? P - Long story. Mokey also has a crush like thing on both Gobo and Boober, I've noticed. L - Oh yeah. I've noticed that too. P - Who do you think she really fancies? L - Um... You know, I think she really fancies Gobo, but thinks that- well, KNOWS, in my opinion, that Red also fancies Gobo. P - Yes, I see that too. But I also think that she sees Gobo as a little brother. L - Ooh, I never thought of that, but YEAH! I could TOTALLY see that. P - And she likes messing with Boober, and Boober takes it like a man. Quietly. L - ...Good on him. We'll get to him later, though. P - Oh we will. L - Onwards, then? P - And upwards! 38. Beauregard (The Muppet Show) P - What color are there hands now? L - You mean THEIR hands? P - ...I must be channeling Beau today. L - Hey, there could be worse Muppets to channel. Beau is an awesome guy. All he really wants to do is help, you know. P - Oh indeed. He also plays the harmonica, which is totally cool. L - INSANELY cool. And he's got blue eyes! And he blinks! P - Blinking is SUCH a great character trait. L - I know. I love it! It's such a rare thing among Muppets, too. P - Trust me, I do. I wrote that one scene, remember? L - Of course. P - I miss Beau. He hasn't been around since VMC... hasn't really said anything since Muppets at Disney World. L - I miss him too. I hope he comes back. P - Me too. Speaking of which, weren't we supposed to let MC's Beau talk about Beau with us? L - I don't think we said specifically... P - Oh okay. Well he told me he wanted to talk about Beau... oh never mind. I love Beau. L - Me too. P - Oh, wait, he made a cameo in Muppets Tonight. L - Oh good! Did he say anything? P - He did! He said, "Sandra, if you're still busy, could you lock up when you finish?" L - Nice. P - Oh indeed. He was also a boss in Muppet Race Mania. L - ...A boss? P - Like... end of the level guy you have to beat. L - ...I see. P - Oh good! You couldn't actually play as Beau... but he was there. L - Very nice. P - Mmhm! I also like the part where he drove the bus during Manhattan Melodies. L - Oh me too! But not as much as I like the part where he drives the cab in The Great Muppet Caper. P - Oh yes. Who could forget that. "I'm sorry, I can only take you as far as the lobby." L - Yeah, he's awesome! P - Too bad we couldn't share this moment with our very own Beau. ...Well, that's enough brooding about that. L - Oh indeed. Shall we move on, then? P - I suppose. 37. Clifford (The Jim Henson Hour and Muppets Tonight!) P - I LOVE CLIFFORD! L - Me too! And I feel SO bad for him. P - ME TOO! But I love him so much! He's like... my fourth or fifth favorite Muppet! L - Which says an awful lot, really. P - Oh indeed. Now, share with the class why you feel so bad for him. L - Four words. He hosted Muppets Tonight. P - Ah ha. Yes. That's the only reason people don't like him, I think. And they really have no reason to not like him... he makes a great host, but I agree, he's no Kermit. L - True, but that's no reason to hold a grudge against him. P - Agreed! He's great! Anyone who didn't like him in MFS is... well... they is. L - Peoples is peoples? P - More or less. Back on subject... I've always wondered why Clifford wasn’t' in VMC. L - Probably on a sabbatical. P - Well if anyone needs it it's him. I have a theory that he was off celebrating Kwanzaa somewhere. But after I developed Bobo as a Jewish bear, I figured I wouldn't elaborate. L - ...Fair enough. P - Hehehe. So, what do you think, Cliff with or without shades? L - To be honest... I really haven't seen very much of him without the shades. P - Good then, you like him with! Me too! L - <Giggles> Something like that. P - Kevin's stated numerous times that he thinks the glasses give Clifford his character. L - I could see that. They are kind of defining. Eyes do a lot for a character, you know? P - Very true. But did you know that Clifford's eyelids behind his shades pull back? L - I had no clue! P - I'm a cornucopia of knowledge. L - ...And I am a bar of soap. P - Oh how lovely. L - Indeed. P - So, yeah, Clifford's awesome. He's so cool... L - He is. ...Is there more to say?... OH! He was in Solid Foam, wasn't he? P - He was! He played the guitar. L - I thought so. P - I love Clifford... L - We've established that. Anything else? P - He's cool. L - And? P - He sported an afro in a parody on Muppets Tonight. L - ...Why do I have a feeling this is gonna keep going forever. Shall I remind you that we're on time constraints here? I've gotta get going in half an hour tops... P - Oh dear. Don't tell people that, they'll be expecting too much. L - ...<Headslap> P - Next? L - Please. 36. Zoot (The Muppet Show) P - I don't GOT no other pants man! L - I LOVE Zoot! P - ME TOO! He's got so much character for a character who hardly ever speaks. L - I KNOW! P - I love him both with and without his hat. L - Agreed. P - And he's a Dave character. L - And awesome! P - Well of course, he's a Dave character. L - Of course. P - So do you think he loves his sax more than he loves sleeping? L - Absolutely. He just needs a lot of rest to play it the way he does. P - Hehehehe, true. L - Really, though, he has a LOT of passion for that saxophone. It's so much more than a musical instrument to him. P - Oh indeed! A little fun fact for the readers, I used to actually despise Zoot for a while. L - ...How dare you. WHY? P - Because he was such a freaking expensive action figure. L - ...<mutters something about someone having too much Muppet merchandise and someone else having a twenty-five dollar fee to pay>... P - *ahem* Anyway... I also used to think that Zoot couldn't talk. L - Oh now that I can understand. But he CAN talk; he just chooses not to, and I think that's really a great character trait for him. P - I agree! But when he does talk it's always hilariously funny. L - Oh indeed. For example, "A zebra and a geranium should never share the same toothbrush." P - Hehehe! And the infamous, "I ain't got no other pants man!" L - Seems to be your favorite. P - Oh it is. L - And another thing I love about Zoot is that he seems to just sort of be there whenever they need a saxophone. ...Erm... and/or a saxophone player. P - Doesn't he sometime play percussion sometimes too? L - ...I... don't know? Come to think of it, what does he play in Muppet Christmas Carol? P - ...I haven't paid that much attention. I've seen a picture from the party they had in MFS where he was playing maracas. L - Hm! Interesting. But since it's going to bug me now... Could you do me a favor and watch Muppet Christmas Carol and see what instruments the Electric Mayhem plays? Because all I'm remembering is that when Animal went crazy, they switched instruments, and I think Janice had a trombone. P - *frowns* Yeah, sure, because I have so much free time. L - Well, I'd do it myself, but my copy of Muppet Christmas Carol is at home... P - I'll see what I can do. L - Thank you so much! <HUGS> You're awesome. P - Well, I try. L - You succeed. P - *smirk* Can we move on? L - I suppose. But Zoot rocks. P - That he does. 35. Marjorie the Trash Heap (Fraggle Rock) P - You are in the presence of-- L - The all-knowing— P - Trash Heap! Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeah! L - You forgot the all-seeing! P - I couldn't see it. L - The Trash Heap could. P - Oh of course! She's our oracle! The knower of all our wisdom! L - She said I should tell you- you can NOT leave the magic! P - Glad you caught the reference. L - How could I not? I was just listening to that about um... twenty minutes ago, I think? I dunno, but I was singing along. P - I was listening to it too! But longer than twenty minutes ago... ANYWAY! Marjorie is SO cool! L - She IS! She TOTALLY rocks my socks off. And I'm not even wearing socks! P - Nor am I! She already knocked 'em off! L - She is one very powerful being. P - Indeed! A veritable compost heap of knowledge! L - And she gives SUCH awesome advice, like, "Always wear a hat." P - *NODS* She's just... so funny! I love her voice! L - LOVE her voice! Love it when she sings! When she talks! When she just sort of RISES UP and is suddenly THE TRASH HEAP! P - Nyyyyyyyyyyeah! L - She is wonderful. P - She IS! My favorite Trash Heap episode is the one where Boober and Wembley have to move her to protect her from the Gorgs or something... Anyway, at the end she sings a song called "Trash Is Back In Town" and uses all sorts of different voices, all of them belonging to Jerry Nelson. It was so cool. L - Oh I've heard that song! It's AWESOME! P - SHA! Really shows off Jerry's insane vocal talent. L - I love Jerry's insane vocal talent. Why doesn't he have a fan club around here? P - I don't know! I blame Whitmire, personally. L - Hey, hey, watch what you're SAYING! We're both SWAEHB members! P - *ahem* Don't revoke my bagel! Please! L - Relax. We'll just give Steve some extra praise when we get to his next character. Deal? P - Alright, deal. L - Good. Now back to Marjorie. P - She is so cool... but I bet she smells awful. L - You know, I'd never really thought about that... but yeah... Though I'm sure you'd get used to it after a while. P - Hehehe, probably. Which Fraggle do you think has the best relationship with Marjorie? L - My first instinct is to say Gobo, but then, maybe that's just a subconscious vote for Jerry-Jerry interaction. P - *nods* I honestly think it's Wembley. L - Jump up! Turn around, cross over! P - Yes! ...Actually, maybe it's Mokey. L - I can almost see a world of harmony... P - Yes, that, and she also knits a tarpaulin for Madame Heap every winter. (Unless of course she forgets.) L - Speaking of Madame Heap and Mokey and knitting! P - Hm? L - Argyle. P - *blink* L - The episode where Mokey becomes the new oracle! Madame Heap is knitting argyle. P - Ohhhhh! Yes! I love that episode! L - I love how say you love that episode as if you don't love every episode of Fraggle Rock. P - ...Well I haven't SEEN every episode. L - That doesn't mean I'm wrong. P - Well no... L - ...Of course if you want to get technical, it doesn't really prove me right, either... P - You're contradicting yourself. Just--*ahem*-- "Get a move on, get a move on, go with the flow!" L - When everything's goodbye! You're ready to die! You wouldn't give a nickel for an apple pie... If you're gonna blow you know you gotta go with the flowwwwwww! <ahem> P - Again, for any and most songs mentioned in today's installment of The Top 100 Muppets, send a Private Message to theprawncracker at Muppet Central Forum. L - We say that a lot in these things, don't we? P - We do. You know what? L - What? P - No one's ever PMed me. L - ...They have no clue what they're missing. Maybe I should mention that over half of the music on my computer is stuff that you've sent me? P - What's the other half? L - ...Um... There's a little James Bond... a lot of stuff in Hebrew... Um... P - And then there's Prawnie. Anyway, Marjorie is starting to glare at us... shall we move on? L - Might as well! 34. Statler and Waldorf (The Muppet Show) P - COOLEST OLD GUYS EVER! L - ...Can we go back to Marjorie? She doesn't heckle. P - Just don't tell any puns and we'll be fine. L - You're the one who tells the puns, remember? P - Shhh, don't tell them that! L - Hey, at least you've GOT comedic talent. A mute fish could tell better jokes than I could. P - I love Barney the Silent Trout... L - ...<ahem> My point exactly. Anyway! Statler and Waldorf, also known as the two old guys in the balcony. P - You know, I think they're the third most recognizable Muppet characters, following Kermit and Piggy. L - ...That could be. I think they're a typical favorite of the non-Muppet-obsessed folk. P - Indeed! Even though they don't know their names... but that's another thing entirely. L - Oh it is. Now, maybe it's just my imagination, but... I think Statler and Waldorf have collectively been performed by more Muppeteers over the years than... well... just about every other Muppet. They seem to have been passed around a lot. P - ...This is true! Animal seems to have that happen to him a lot too... but let's see, Statler and Waldorf have been performed by Jim and Richard, Jerry and Dave, Dave and Steve, then Victor and Drew. L - See? Quite a bit. And yet their voices remain so consistent. It amazes me. Although it's been established that I'm not at all the best person for distinguishing the accuracy of a voice... P - Hehehe, I agree with you though. The Muppeteers are fantastic at impersonating each other. L - Probably comes from the combination of their natural vocal talent combined with spending a lot of time together... but I think we're digressing. Statler and Waldorf. P - Do ho ho ho! L - You know what I wonder about those guys? P - Hm? L - How on earth do the Muppets get them to act in their movies? I mean, Muppet Christmas Carol, Muppet Treasure Island, Kermit's Swamp Years... there was a lot of make-up involved there. It couldn't have just been, "Oh, you guys are on the set giving us a hard time AGAIN? Here, if WE'RE so bad, how about you guys just get into this shot right here and throw some criticism at us..." P - I think they have some pull with the companies producing the movies and want to prove that they're better than the Muppets are. L - ...Now there's an interesting possibility. P - Mmhm. Couldn't you just see them as execs at Disney? L - ...No, but I could see them getting fired for being too cynical about non-Muppet Disney projects. P - Haha! Oh me too... L - And then trudging back to the Muppet Boarding House throwing insults around at each other and Disney, and then reaching the Muppet Boarding House and walking inside saying something about Muppets being better... and then looking around... and taking that last comment back. P - Hehehehe! L - And then everything would return to its typical abnormality, with Statler and Waldorf insulting everything remotely Muppet... P - It's an endless circle! L - Yup! Goes on and on and on... P - Why do they even hang around the Muppets? L - Now that, I know. It's the same reason any of the Muppets hang out with the Muppets. They're part of the family. Never mind how annoying, obnoxious, untalented, or unpatriotic any and all of them are- it's about a family pursuing a dream. And so what if Statler and Waldorf are quicker to insult than contribute to their attempts to make millions of people happy? That's how families work sometimes. Believe me, I've got some family members... Well, I'll stop there before I get myself in trouble, but... P - ...I never, ever thought of it that way. Do you think they know that they're part of the family? L - Well... They sort of know it. That is... They know it unconsciously, maybe subconsciously... Okay, so maybe they even know it consciously, but they'd really rather not acknowledge it. They're in denial. P - What are they doing in Egypt? I'm sure they get The Muppet Show there... L - Shh! Puns! P - *dives behind a couch* L - Quick, let's move on before they throw something... P - *is hit with a chair* L - <ducks> Too late... <crawls under rock> Who's next? 33. Dr. Teeth (The Muppet Show) P - I love the way he opens his mouth and nods vigorously after a song. L - I love his teeth. And his arms. And his eyelids. P - His teeth are so cool... but his eyelids are the best, I think, because you don't know if they're glasses or eyelids. L - They've gotta be eyelids. There's nothing connecting them together, is there? P - I... don't know... *checks action figure* L - <resists urge to roll eyes> P - *looks innocent* There is. L - Okay, what is it? P - It's like... glasses? L - <Sigh> I'll take a look next time I'm watching a movie, which will probably be Great Muppet Caper later today. But I'm pretty sure they're eyelids, because I distinctly remember them "opening" wider sometimes... P - Well they do pull up into his head, yes. L - Yeah. You can't do that with glasses. P - Unless you're uber talented. Like Dr. Teeth. L - ...Prawnie? I wore glasses for four years of my life and have continued to wear them occasionally for another five and a half years. I was wearing my glasses for about half of today. It is not physically possibly to lift them up the way Dr. Teeth does without using your hands. They're eyelids. P - Maybe he has four hands. L - If he has four hands, why do we only ever see two? P - Well, technically, he has five hands--*shifty eyes* But three of them are inside of him... L - ...<sigh> I knew I wasn't going to win this. Anyway, he's got an awesome mechanism of some sort over his eyes. How's that? P - Same way; I assume; that Gonzo and Clifford can pull their eyelids back, and Johnny can raise his eyebrows. L - I would presume so, but I was more checking how I referred to his eyelids/glasses. Anyway, however they do that, I love it. I love any Muppet eye-related movement. P - Ditto! But Dr. Teeth's voice! L - Oy, I LOVE his voice. I love the way he TALKS! It's painfully impossible to write, but STILL! It's AWESOME! P - I KNOW! It's SO similar to Rowlf, but SO different! L - Which really matches the characters perfectly. They're both piano-playing Jim characters, but they are about as different as two piano-playing Jim characters could be. P - Indeed! Oh I love him... L - Which one? We've got three "him's" you could be referring to now. P - ...All of him? L - Agreed. P - Awesome. 32. Telly Monster (Sesame Street) P - Martin Robinson is SUCH an underrated performer. L - Oh indeed. P - Someone on MC has a quote of his that says, "I'll never need therapy as long as I have Telly" or something like that. L - ...That reminds me of a pillow I've seen that says something about never seeing a motorcycle parked in front of a psychiatrist's office or something, but I digress. Telly rocks. P - He is SO cool... he's my favorite of the "newer" Sesame characters. He's got the most personality. L - He's a worry-wort and has so many really wonderful... Yes, he's incredible. P - Telly is just so funny... and he's just... Telly! I don't know anyone who DOESN'T like him. L - I also do not know anyone who doesn't like Telly, but I'm apparently sitting next to someone who doesn't know who Telly is. I tell ya, the people you meet in college... P - Well, for awhile Layla thought his name was Terry... L - At least she knew who he was. Is. Will be. Awesomeness. Have I mentioned that all three of my brains went hay-wire in a laughing fit? P - Yes, you did, I was there for most of it. But that has nothing to do with Telly. I like his color. L - Oh I like his color too! I like the funky little hairs he's got sticking up on the top of his head. P - Very random, yes. You know what else I LOVE about Telly? L - Praytell? P - His friendship with Baby Bear. L - ...The girl next to me is pretending that Baby Bear is her favorite to hide her ignorance of him. I think I'm scared, but I have no right to be. So I'll just go back to talking in some crazy accent with her. P - ...Somehow I think this could be going better. L - Somehow, I think you're ri- ...correct. You are correct. P - Oh thank you. We need more Telly merchandise. L - Yes, yes we do. We need lots and lots of Telly merchandise. P - He's got like... nothing! But he's in like very episode! L - Indeed! He's underrated, isn't he? Horribly underrated. He needs more credit. P - I agree wholeheartedly! We need to start the TMP! Telly Merchandice Petition. L - We'll get to that, right after we get the Rizzo smilie and start a fanclub for Jerry. P - I think we'll be there awhile. L - We really need less priorities. P - Let's just drop out of school and commit ourselves to the Muppets. L - I would do that, except that of my four classes, I love two of them, and the other two are insanely likable... P - *blink* Well, of my seven classes, I like... two of them? Two and a half? L - Ah, you poor thing, still in high school... P - *glares* Can we move on? L - I suppose. 31. Animal (The Muppet Show) P - AH! WHAT DO! EAT DRUMS! L - No, no Animal, BEAT drums, BEAT drums! P - WIPE OUT! L - I don't think there's a line to cancel that out, so um... RENOIR! P - RUM BUM BUM RUM BUM BUM! DRUMMER BOY! L - BAD MAN! P - RIZZO! RIZZO! MUPPA SHA! L - PO-LI-TICS! PO-LI-TICS! P - OY! L - MY WORD! ...That's me, not Animal. P - SAYS YOU! ...That's Nyssa, not me, not Animal. L - Indeed. And that's still me. Now, where were we. NAP TIME! P - Digress... L - I'm disappointed, Prawnie, you haven't said "Want woman" yet. P - I was saving it for last. L - Oh good, because it was all I could think of at first, and it just wouldn't be right coming from me, you know? P - Yes, I know. L - So. P - WANT WOMAN! L - I feel better now. P - Oh good. Are we done then? I think we've described Animal to a T. L - Or to a roar. But yes. P - So can I go to bed now? L - ...You're going to leave me with my crazy friend while we apologize to a wall? P - Yup. P - Wait, what? L - ...Well... We keep hitting our heads against it by mistake... and it hurts our heads, so it must hurt ze wall too, so... And my friend wants me to clarify zat we are not on any illegal substances, and she is not on any prescription substances or alcohol either, and I am not on alcohol, but I do... Oh dear. Zis will only get us in trouble, no? P - ...Good night everybody! L - Wimp. P - Nut-case. L - Those who live in glass houses, my dear... P - Can't walk around naked? L - ...Well, technically they COULD, but I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it. P - Or they might. But we'll leave that for them to decide. L - I suppose. P - Gooooood niiiiiiiight! L - NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! P - Prawn out! L - Toga crazy.