P - Did you find it? L - It's either under my pillow or behind that motorcycle safety flyer on my wall. Hang on, I'll check the flyer first. P - *notices something as Lisa turns around* *frowns* Lisa... L - ...Yes Prawnie? Tape's stuck on the flyer... P - Um... Lisa, you... your back. L - I'm back? I never left! P - I knew that was coming... Umm, the list is taped to your back. L - Oh, I wish. That would be so much easier... How did this flyer get so stuck? P - *opens mouth* *tears list off Lisa's back* I'm going on with or without you... L - Lousy flyer. I'll check my- <turns around> Oh, you found it! Where was it? P - ...In your shoe. L - I KNEW I checked the wrong foot. P - Yeah, you checked Nyssa, it was in the other. Anyway, can we go now, please? L - Of course! 5. Fozzie Bear (The Muppet Show)/Grover (Sesame Street) P - THIS IS NOT A JOKE! L - Which is good, because if it WERE a joke, it innately wouldn't be funny, what with the inclusion of Fozzie. P - Exactly. And Grover would feel really, really bad about being mean to all of these people. *shifty eyes* L - <REALLY shifty eyes> <Ahem> See, we like things complicated, in case you haven't heard about our attempts at defining our relationship, and well... why not extend that to the list? And besides, we just couldn't decide. P - Exactly! And our excuse for this? Well, either of them would give up the slot to the other. L - They would! They are both such kind and giving and humble Muppets... and they're fuzzy, too. And when I say fuzzy, I mean the good kind of fuzzy, not the I-haven't-put-my-contacts-in-yet-this-morning fuzzy. P - Hahaha, yes, yes they are. They're two of the nicest Muppets in the Muppet universe, and both of them are performed by the one and only Frank Oz and also the other one and only Eric Jacobson. L - Great men for great Muppets. Now, Grover is absolutely adorable. He told me so himself. P - Oh did he? L - Well, I think he technically told me he was cute, but you know what I mean. P - Yes, I do. And yes, he is. He is also a SU-per monster. L - And a waiter. And a salesman. P - And a marshall, and a taxi driver, and an ice cream salesmen, and a jack hammer operator. L - And an elevator operator, and a dog walker... P - And a singing telegram deliverer, and a fireman, and a newspaper salesman, and everything else featured in the "Grover Work Song" from "A Celebration of Me, Grover." Especially Global Grover. L - It really is amazing, with all these things to do, when children are in trouble he is Super Grover too! P - And when his work is through... he's just a friendly monster who is furry and is blue! L - And he is cute, too! P - Well duh. He IS Grover after all. L - And that looooooong list of jobs is all because he LOVES to help! P - He loves people and loves to help people! No matter who they are, if you are in need of help, Grover will help you! Even if you just need a hug! L - Especially if you just need a hug. And speaking of hugs, and huggable Muppets... Fozzie. P - My gosh I love that bear. I took a Muppet personality quiz, and it told me I was Fozzie. I was so incredibly happy by that. L - So I've heard. Now Fozzie is the funniest bear in stand-up comedy. P - Only because there's no other bears in that field. L - Aye. And the poor soul somehow ALWAYS faces Statler and Waldorf. And yet, he keeps getting back on that stage. It's his DREAM. P - And forget Klaus Mueller! Fozzie AND Grover are the two most dedicated Muppets! L - ABSOLUTELY. Kermit says himself in Before You Leap that it's FOZZIE who has the strongest hold on THEIR dream, FOZZIE who keeps KERMIT going. And as for Grover, well, he NEVER gives up! P - EXACTLY! And Kermit himself also said that without FOZZIE there would BE no Muppets! Which means there would be no need for this list! L - GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! What a HORRIBLE thought! But we DO have Fozzie! We DO have Muppets! WE DO HAVE A LIFE! ...Er... wait... P - Everything but the last part, yes. But we have Fozzie and Grover, which is all that really matters. L - Yes. Because without them, where would the Muppets be? Where would Sesame be? ...You know, we've seen how horrible the world would've been without Kermit, but... Would it have been any better if Kermit HAD been born, but Fozzie and Grover hadn't? P - ...Now you have a fan-fic idea, don't you. L - I'm trying not to. I've got more than enough of those. P - Hehehe, shall we go on to slot four and talk more about these two adorably huggable awesome Muppets? L - Might as well! 4. Fozzie Bear (The Muppet Show)/Grover (Sesame Street) P - Now, there's one thing that these two incredible characters share, besides the same performer and their incredible determination. L - (You folks didn't REALLY think we could cram all their combined greatness into one little slot, did you?) That's right! They share one very, very, VERY important friend. P - And he's a green frog with an eleven point collar and saturn shaped pupils. L - Aye. Both Fozzie and Grover have called Kermit their best friend. P - On numerous occasions. I think Kermit considers both of them to be his very closest friends. L - Undeniably. He has been frazzled so much by both of them over the years... How could he not love 'em? Especially when he gives it right back... P - I know! My favorite Muppet moments are with Kermit and Fozzie together and my favorite Sesame moments are with Kermit and Grover. L - It's no coincidence. Really, their relationships are so very similar... So supportive, while sometimes appearing to be the opposite. I refer to skits like when Fozzie tried phrenology, and when Grover tried to sell Kermit earmuffs. P - Exactly. (Or when Grover tried to sell Kermit anything at all.) It's quite amazing how two characters can have such striking similarities, yet at the same time be total opposites. For instance, Grover doesn't have any hecklers to deal with. L - Well... does Fat Blue count? P - I'd say Grover heckles Fat Blue more than the other way around. Not that that happens too often. L - I suppose. And Fat Blue isn't anywhere near as aggressive as Statler and Waldorf. P - Haha, no not at all. Ya know, either of them would do anything for that Frog. L - Absolutely ANYTHING. P - Though, there aren't too many Muppets on this list who wouldn't do anything for him. L - ...Well... I dunno. I think a lot of them COULD be pushed too far, get fed up, and draw the line somewhere. But Fozzie and Grover... Would do ANYTHING, no matter what. P - Exactly. They'd do anything for anybody, but especially the Frog. L - Without hesitation. P - *very happy sigh* Shall we move on? L - I... I suppose. I like these guys, though. P - Don't worry, they're still around. And they're both getting a whole lot of exposure. L - And their best-friend-frog is thrilled about it. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! P - Now can we move on? L - Yes. P - Wait. L - Why? P - Wocka! Wocka! L - ...Worth the wait. P - *bows* 3. Big Bird (Sesame Street) P - Big Bird is the greatest thing to come from television. Ever. L - <Sings> Big Bird oh Big Bird! My big yellow Big Bird! P - I love Big Bird. If there's a Muppet I want to hug the most... it's Big Bird. L - Now, I'm not sure what the exact story was, because I was too young, but when my sister was little... she either wanted to grow up to BE Big Bird, or to marry him. I'm not sure which, but either way... I can't say I blame her. P - Hahaha, me either! He's such a great... bird. And the man inside him is incredible too, Caroll Spinney. L - Caroll Spinney! Wonderful wonderful man! And he HAS to be, to be such an AMAZING bird! P - SHA! Gosh, if you haven't yet, please read his book "The Wisdom of Big Bird." It'll change your life! Lisa, quick! Favorite Big Bird song! L - You mean I have to pick ONE? But there's so many! P - Oh, just do it. L - But- but- um- ...I- I'm no good at picking favorites... But there's ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, Everyone Makes Mistakes, um- and can we go into Follow That Bird? I love the Follow That Bird songs... P - Yes, please do go into Follow That Bird. (She hasn't even named mine yet!) L - (Well whaddaya want? I'm psychotic, not psychic!) I'm So Blue, One Little Star, Ain't No Road Too Long (which is lots of people but Big Bird too!), Easy Goin' Day... P - Can I say mine now? L - Please. My head is starting to hurt again. P - Wonderful Me. L - ...<Headslap> ...Oops, now my head hurts even more. But YES! WONDERFUL ME! P - It's one of my all-time favorite songs, not just from Big Bird. L - Rightfully so. But I think... I think that we can't talk about Big Bird without mentioning... Mr. Looper. I mean Hooper. P - Mr. Harold Hooper... *happy sigh* I loved him. And Big Bird loved him. L - Very, very much. P - Everyone loved Mr. Hooper, but he and Big Bird had a very, very special bond. L - Very special. And... the picture... P - Did you know that SAME picture still hangs in Big Bird's nest? L - YES! It's very... Very... Just wow. Just incredible. P - I know. And you also knew Caroll drew it, didn't you? L - ...I- I didn't, but- ...WOW. P - Yup, he drew all of the pictures the adults got in that episode. L - Wow... P - Mmhm. But anyway, back to the Bird. I've never seen Big Bird in something I didn't possitively adore him in. L - Agreed. P - He was on The Muppet Show. Twice. In The Muppet Movie, The Muppets Take Manhattan, stole the show with the Swedish Chef in Muppet Family Christmas. L - Follow That Bird. I hate to admit it, but I wasn't much of a Sesame fan as a kid... In fact, I almost never watched the show. But Follow That Bird... I can't begin to count how many times I watched it when I was little. P - *nods* My gosh, I was a huge Sesame fan. I had all sorts of little toys and too many videos to count. I remember seeing Big Bird on a game show with a dog, and losing because the answer was always "bark" or "roof." L - Oh, that is awesome. Well, me being me, I can't let us forget to mention Big Bird's teddy bear, Radar! P - Radar! Did you know that the guy who played Radar on M*A*S*H actually gave Big Bird that teddy bear when they were on Hollywood Squares? L - I had no CLUE! But that's awesome! P - Isn't it? You know, I love the scene in Follow That Bird when Big Bird mails Radar home. L - ME TOOOOO! P - I love that whole movie, actually. L - ME TOO ME TOO! It was the first Muppet anything that I got my current roommate to watch. ...Granted, she only saw about the last... fifteen minutes or so, but still! ...I think it was the first Muppet thing I watched at college. That's how much it means to me. P - Aww! That is very special. L - All because of Big Bird. Can I hug him now? P - Only if I can. L - ...Hey, readers, if any of you wanna fund a trip for Prawnie and I to go to New York and hug Big Bird... P - *puppy dog eyes* L - Please, as a broke college student, I beg you... P - And... a Prawn. L - A Prawn who will be a broke college student sooner than he probably wants to admit. PLEASE! P - *ahem* Anyway, Big Bird can roller skate too. L - Proof that Muppets can do things that I can't do. P - Well, he is an international TV star. L - Weren't we discussing, not too long ago, that Big Bird should run for president? P - We were! Next year he'll be forty! L - He would totally win. And then Sesame Street would rule the world. Voila- instant world peace. P - I don't see why people can't think in our terms. L - Yeah... I just don't get it. P - Oh well... we've still got two more, can we let Big Bird get some sleep? L - Yes. P - We love you Big Bird! L - Very very much! 2. Miss Piggy (The Muppet Show and the Muppet Movies) L - Enough said. P - Yup, shall we go on? L - ...Could we get away with that? P - *smirk* What do YOU think? L - I try to avoid thinking. But my guess would be that if we didn't give this diva her due, we would be very flat Halves. P - Or half halves. L - And we're complicated enough as a Fraction, so... Let's rave a bit, shall we? P - Take it away. L - <Deep breath> Miss Piggy. Started as a chorus girl. Didn't stay there long. Is now an international celebrity. Sing, dance, karate, generally be drop-dead-gorgeous... She's got it all covered. Quick to defend herself. Don't make a pig joke around her. I'm talking in fragments because there's a lot to say... Help me? P - She's the only pig I know of to be called an international sex symbol. L - She rides a motorcycle. (No hog jokes, please.) And she rides a motorcycle without getting hurt, which is IMPRESSIVE for a Muppet. P - She woos a frog who does not (at least publically) want to be wooed. L - Did I mention the karate yet? P - You did. And we've both had the full force of that karate. L - Many people have. Especially the same frog she woos. She woos him AND pounds him to pieces. Now THAT is impressive. P - Indeed! And the frog keeps coming back for more! L - Well, who could blame him? After all, it's not every day that a frog meets a pig who's willing to give him all her heart and undying devotion no matter how many times he turns her down. P - True! It's not every day that a frog wants to meet a pig like that! Or any day for that matter! L - He's a lucky frog. And as for Piggy, well, she MAKES her luck. It's called talent. And karate. And- I DON'T CARE WHAT THE SKEPTICS SAY- a whole lot of genuine heart and soul. P - EXACTLY. She's may be an intense, powerful lady, but she's also sweet and heartfelt. L - SHE IS! AND DON'T YOU DOUBT IT! She is SWEET and SENSITIVE and LOVING and she would DEFEND EACH AND EVERY MUPPET TO THE DEATH BECAUSE THEY'RE HER FAMILY! ...Well... Okay, so maybe not Pepe. BUT! Everyone else. P - Maaaaaaaaaaaaaybe not Floyd... L - Oh no, definitely Floyd. There's more bark than bite there. That's the sort of teasing that appears lethal, and may have started out that way, but now... it's a sort of affection. P - Hm. Interesting. What about Rizzo? Those tapes of her in her dressing rooms can't be Kosher. L - <Whispers> ...Prawnie... she's a pig. In the truest sense of the word, nothing about her is Kosher. <Ahem> Rizzo... Well she wouldn't run in to rescue him right away. She'd let him suffer a bit. But she WOULD defend him. P - I know, I was making a pun. Hmm... well what's so different about Rizzo's relationship with Piggy, and Pepe's? L - Oh that's easy. Rizzo's been around longer. He's had more time for the ruthless hatred to morph into disguised affection, a la her relationship with Floyd. P - I see. How long will Pepe have to be around before that happens then? L - Until someone else comes along to form a new hate-the-pig relationship. It's a matter of seniority now. P - Huh. This is quite the interesting social hierarchy they've got going. Anyway, I used to really not like Piggy. L - I know. I changed your mind. <Ahem> P - Yes, yes you did. But we shant go into semantics. Lisa basically just showed me that Piggy has a sweet, sensitive side. L - I did. And she does! And if you don't believe it, then you don't really know her. She is one of the deepest, most dimensional Muppets EVER. P - Mmhm! Which, unfortunately, is what most people don't see about her, and why they're so quick to clasify her as one of their least favorite Muppets. Sure she's pushy, but that's just ONE side of her. L - Yes. One of many, many, MANY sides of her. And please don't take this opportunity to make a bad fat joke, because lemme tell ya, she's mostly muscle. P - I wouldn't think of it. L - Good, because otherwise you'd be flat and I'd be halfless. P - Which is incredibly confusing. L - Quite. But back to Piggy. I'm SURE there's more to say. Shall we start with the hair? P - It's gorgeously golden? L - Except for when it was black in Muppets Wizard of Oz, and when it was randomly brown, which just was NOT her look. (Sorry Beau.) But I think her hair alone has gone through more style changes than most Muppets have. P - Indeed! I prefer the GMC look, personally. The 80's fro was just... well... not her. L - Agreed. She also looked great towards the end of The Muppet Show, and in her appearance on The Late Late Show. P - OH yes. I LOVED her in all of those. She's really been getting her look back lately. L - And with her look comes her PROPER personality. HOORAY! The REAL Miss Piggy returns! P - Um, I really need to say that what I said about Miss Mousey being one of the most divine creatures ever to grace the television screen was originally intended to be a comment about Miss Piggy. I swear. I was just trying to be funny. L - OH yeah. We, um- We were trying to pull a few legs. We were well aware that said leg-pulling could result in our deaths, but... Well, there's only so many ways to make a killing with comedy, right? <Ahem> Miss Piggy rocks. And she's gorgeous. And she's worthy of WAY more praise than any mouse. (ANY mouse. My apologies to the pet mice my sister used to have.) P - (And Mickey and Minnie.) But yes, Piggy is divine. She's nearly a real person... pig... thing. If I ever encountered her I'd be star struck like no other. L - I would be utterly speechless. And then I would squeal like no other, and she would karate chop me to silence me for the sake of her eardrums, and I would black out, and never see her again. ...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! P - You've really thought this out, haven't you? L - Like I said, I try not to think. P - Good thing, probably. What more can we say about this porcine princess? L - Well, we COULD go on all night, I'm sure, but... I don't know about you, but I have a Protege begging me to post this, so... Maybe we should move on? P - Probably. P - Psst, Lisa, we're on the last one... L - <explodes> P - HEY! That's my skill! *mutters* Love ya Piggy, see ya in the tabloids! L - Love ya Miss Piggy! See you in the spotlight! 1. Kermit the Frog (The Muppet Show, Sesame Street, Muppets Tonight! and the Muppet Movies) L - Duh. P - *stands up and salutes* P - Yes, duh says it all. L - But we can't very well get away with just saying duh. I mean, it's KERMIT! The LEAST we can do is wave our arms and say YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! P - *waves arms and says YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!* KERMIT IS THE FROG! The only amphibian with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! The only Muppet character to star on both The Muppet Show AND Sesame Street! The FIRST Muppet! Jim Henson's alter-ego! The leader of the Muppets! THE FROG! L - Bein' Green! The Rainbow Connection! Disco Frog! Happy Feet! (No not the penguin movie.) On My Pond! If I Were! Frogs in the Glen! Tadpole! A Smile Connects Us! I Wonder 'Bout the World Above Up There! I Love My Elbows! P - Steppin' Out With a Star! Lydia the Tatooed Lady! It's Alive! Caribbean Amphibian! L - TOGETHER AGAIN! How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Loved You! Froggy Went A Courtin'! P - In the Quiet of the Evening! A Song From Kermit! Get Along! Doo Wop Hop! L - This Frog! African Alphabet! Ker-Mambo! Kokomo! P - Movin' Right Along! Ukelele Lady! I Won't Dance! Any Old Iron! MAGIC GARDEN! L - HOW MANY SONGS CAN ONE FROG MAKE INFINITELY INCREDIBLE? I DON'T KNOW! HE KEEPS SINGING! P - I KNOW! ESPECIALLY FOR YOU! MY GOSH! WE NEED TO MOVE TO ANOTHER TOPIC! L - BEFORE YOU LEAP! P - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GREATEST RECENT PIECE OF MUPPET ANYTHING! L - UNDENIABLY! Oh my gosh I love it. I love it. I love it! THE FROG RULES THE WORLD! P - AS WELL HE SHOULD! You would be extremely hard pressed to find someone in the world who can't recognize Kermit from a picture, or from Bein' Green, or from the word Muppet. Kermit IS the greatest Muppet, because he is everything a Muppet SHOULD be. I don't care what HE says, HE'S the reason the Muppets are what they are. HE'S the Frog, man, the Frog. L - ABSOLUTELY. He started the whole thing. He's the eye of the storm, center of the hurricane of pure madness. He's INCREDIBLE! P - There's never been a character like him before, nor will there ever be a character like him again. He represents love, and peace, and laughter, and tears, and family, and friends, and everything good in this world. L - I couldn't agree with you more. He's just... It's impossible NOT to love him! P - I KNOW! I don't know anyone who doesn't! He brought together ALL of these crazies! Just like Jim. Jim Henson WAS Kermit the Frog. L - Except crazier, and an absolute genius, because you know what? He CREATED Kermit. P - Well really he just created himself. L - Well, yes, but... But still! It's amazing. He's amazing. Kermit and Jim are BOTH amazing. AMAZING. FANTASTICABULOUS TO THE INFINITE POWER! P - Indeed. You know, the reason like it feels that Jim's still with us today, is because Kermit's still with us today. Kermit's keeping Jim alive. L - All of the Muppets are keeping Jim alive. And Kermit is keeping the Muppets alive. So... yes. ...Wow. P - *nods* I love Kermit. He's the best. THE best. L - Can we list random awesome Kermit quotes now? P - "What the hey?" L - "I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me." P - "We... we love you Gonzo." L - "You hear that, New York? I'm stayin' here! THE FROG IS STAYIN'!" P - "I don't know who Jim Henson is, but I understand he has a hand in a lot of things around here." L - "But that's not the kind of man you are, and- if what I'm saying doesn't make any sense to you, then- ...Go ahead and kill me." P - "This Frog has a song to be sung, this Frog isn't gonna spend his life catching flies with his tongue. This Frog wants to be happy, and this Frog has to try. This Frog is gonna make it, or know the reason why." L - "The heck you say!" P - "You leave nothing to chance, huh?" L - "Life's like a movie, write your own ending..." P - "Yeah, well, I've got a dream too. But it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. That's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And, well, I've found a whole bunch of friends who have the same dream. And it kinda makes us like a family." L - "The moon doesn't look like you." P - "Here's some simple advice: Always be yourself. Never take yourself too seriously. And beware of advice from experts, pigs, and members of Parliament." L - ...You are TOTALLY flipping through It's Not Easy Being Green And Other Things to Consider, aren't you? P - WHAT? How DARE you accuse me of such a thing! L - I thought so. <Ahem> "You've got to follow... follow your star..." P - "Jim and I had a relationship that just kept growing over the years. It was as if we were part of each other, connected at the heart as we went arm in arm through life. Like me, Jim believed that anything was possible if you dreamed big enough and worked hard enough." L - "Moving right along, Fozzie." P - "I hope you don't mind, but I brought my own back-up singers." L - "I've gotta get a contract so I can go out and kill 'em!" P - "I'm good at rhyme, I do a rhyme all the time. You hear that? I did a rhyme just then." L - "With that tongue? No way!" P - "Myth! Myth!" L - "That's pretty dangerous, buildin' a road in the middle of the street. Why- if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwinn." P - "I'm the one on the right!" L - ...Okay, my brain hurts too much to keep going. Can I just say that there are more pictures of Kermit on my bulletin board than there are of anyone else? P - Yes, you can. Can I say that I think I have more Kermit merchandise than any other Muppet? L - Absolutely. Can I say that it's next to impossible to write a Muppet fanfiction that does NOT give Kermit a starring role? P - I'd say it's absolutely impossible. I should know! I tried killing him! Didn't work, the frog came back! L - I tried sending him off to war! I tried overflowing the story with subplots! I tried- Oh wait, I can't talk about that stuff, I haven't posted it yet. But I've TRIED! It just doesn't work. He IS the center. P - He's the heart of all the Muppets. Kermit the Frog IS the dream. L - He is. He really, truly is. And you know what? P - What's that? L - Someday, we'll find it. The rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers... and Kermit. P - He found his Rainbow Connection, and it lives in every one of his friends. EVERY one of them. Frogs, dogs, bears, pigs, chickens, birds, monsters, animals, Ernies, Berts, cows, hecklers, musicians, penguins, go-fers, rats, scientists, eagles, monkeys, Fraggles, Gorgs, Trash Heaps, Doozers, prawns, chefs, Cliffords, whatevers, and everything. THEY are Kermit's Rainbow Connection. L - I'm so glad we get to share it with him. P - Me. Too. L - ...Prawnie? ...I- ...I think we're... done... P - And this time it's actually the real list. L - Hehe, yeah... Wow... P - Ummm... L - ...Feels... kinda weird... P - Yeah... as long as we don't remind them we still have a fan-fic we're writing together, we'll be fine. L - Yup! ...Well, um... Well thank you, everyone, for reading... I know WE'VE had a lot of fun... Hopefully, you have, too... That, or we've tortured you mercilessly, but... P - Well, both, I'd say. Also, I'll say it for the last time, remember, if you want any of the songs mentioned in this countdown, please contact me, and I'll be happy to send them to you! ...Okay, I'm done with that, I promise. L - You have to be. The list is over. P - *sniff* Well there's no need to be rude about it. L - <Whimper> <Hugs Prawnie> I'm gonna miss this list. P - *Hugs* Me too. But at least it's immortalized here on MC. L - Thank goodness. We can come back and visit it any time we want! P - Unless of course we forget. L - Forget what? P - I... don't remember. L - Oh. Okay. Well, see ya around, then! P - Bye folks! Have a safe drive home! And remember, always spay and neuter your pets! L - See you somewhere else in the forum, readers! P - Tonight's show has been brought to you by the letters L and P, and the number 100! Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrawn out!