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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Ah! Yes, Death's needed down there... Just as more story is needed fright here! Oh, such rapture...
    Wrinkles and rafters and Muppety laughter.
    Pirates and tubas and theater life luvas.
    Death's contract signing and while Benny thinks ehe's the king.
    These are a few of my favorite things.
  2. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    Wow, these last..uh..several chapters have been fantastic! I, too, have been on the edge of my seat what with all the action at the theater, and of course all the muppet humor and mahem is simply terrific!

    More please!
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 34

    "Uncle Deadly!" Skeeter shrieked.

    Benny cackled from up in the rafters. "One down!"

    Clifford ran to the middle of the stage and tried to clear the rubble. Skeeter and Scooter darted to his side, Skeeter grasped Deadly’s hand around the wrist.

    "He has no pulse!" Skeeter whispered.

    "He’s never had a pulse," Scooter put his hand on his twin’s back.

    Skeeter looked at her brother with tears welling in her eyes. "What do we do..."

    Benny jumped down from the rafters, smashing on the stage. "I suggest running for your lives, but that’s a matter of opinion."

    A ringing sound filled the theater just as the quiet had set in. "Oh, excuse me, that’s mine." Daniel reached down on the floor and pulled up a colorful, plastic toy phone. He answered it. "Hello? ...Oh? Oh really? Oh, that’s great! Fantastic! Alright!" He hung up the phone and was met with the awkward stares of the others. "It was just my boss, she’s moving our meeting location."

    Clifford tilted his head to the side. "...Where to?" he asked slowly.

    A burst of black flames engulfing the pule of rubble on top of Deadly answered Clifford’s question. The three Muppets were hurled off the stage, back into the band pit, while Benny held his ground against the force of the flames.

    The flames slowly diminished, revealing three figures standing amongst them.
    "Who... Who are you?" Benny shouted.

    A blast of lightning from inside the flames clashed with Benny’s chest, sending him colliding into the first row of seats.

    "AND HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?" a shivery, cold voice doused the flames.

    "Euphoric," Uncle Deadly’s voice responded.

    "GOOD." Death stepped through with The Boss and Uncle Deadly at his side. "NOW LET’S FINISH THIS."


    The bus barreled down the highway, this time on the opposite side of the road, and with a dozen pirates on motorcycles following close behind.

    "Kermit, where are we?" Fozzie asked.

    "Somewhere between California and wherever we were when we left wherever we were about an hour ago," Kermit said.

    Fozzie stared at the frog. "...Oh. Well then... Where are we?"

    "Meep mee mo mo mee me mo!" Beaker meeped.

    "What he said." Rowlf nodded.

    "Agreed," Kermit said.

    "Ugh!" Gonzo shouted. "I am so bored!"

    "Bawk bragawk!" shouted a near-naked Camilla.

    "What she said," Rizzo smirked.

    "Hey Kermit, think I could hot glue my hands to the roof of the bus, just for kicks?" Gonzo asked Kermit.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Well, any other time, certainly, but we don’t have any hot glue."

    "Oh!" Bunsen shouted. "I do! Correct, Beaker?"

    "Mo! Mo mo mo!" Beaker shouted.

    "That’s okay Bunsen," Gonzo said. "I’ll just use the hot wax from Piggy’s cosmetic set!"

    "You lay one feathered finger on moi’s luggage and I’m gonna melt you into hot wax, bucko!" Piggy snarled.

    "Ooh! Now that sounds like fun!"

    "Jou know what else sounds like fun?" Pepe asked. "Tiki bar, hokay?"

    "No, that sounds like ‘tiki bar, hokay’," Beauregard said.

    "Beau, I don’t t’ink you could pass a U.S. citizenship test," Rizzo told the dim-witted janitor.

    "And just what is that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.

    "See what I mean?" Rizzo said.

    "Hey, green stuff!" Floyd shouted up at Kermit.

    Kermit turned around to look back at the hipster. "Yes?"

    "Why haven’t we gotten a number in this thing?" Floyd asked.

    "Like, fer sure, okay?" Janice said. "You’re like, totally under utilizing our talents."


    "So how about it my flippery friend," Dr. Teeth asked. "May we sooth the soul with a melodious melody?"

    Kermit shrugged. "I don’t see why not, we could use some entertainment."

    "Play loud!" Animal shouted. "Play loud!"

    "Right!" Floyd shouted. "Hit it!"

    The music started up with a jazzy note from Zoot on his saxophone, followed by a trumpet ensemble from Lips.

    "Life’s like a road that you travel on," Floyd started off singing while jamming on his bass.
    "When there’s one day here and the next day gone
    Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
    Sometimes ya turn your back to the wind."

    "There’s a world outside every darkened door," Janice sang.
    "Where blues won’t haunt you anymore
    Where brave are free and lovers soar
    Come ride with me to the distant shore."

    "We won’t hesitate
    To break down the garden gate
    There’s not much time left today." The hippy couple harmonized.

    "Life is a highway
    I wanna ride it all night long
    If you're going my way
    Well, I wanna drive it all night long," Dr. Teeth sang the chorus.

    "All night! All night!" Animal shouted in between bangs on his drum set.

    "Through all these cities and all these towns
    It's in my blood and it’s all around
    I love you now like I loved you then," Floyd continued.

    "This is the road and these are the hands
    From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
    The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights," Janice sang as well.

    "We haven’t gone to any of those places, man!" Zoot shouted.

    "Don’t point out facts, just play the sax!" Floyd told him.

    Zoot did as he was told and played out a few notes.

    "Knock me down, and back up again
    You're in my blood
    I'm not a lonely man," Dr. Teeth sang.

    "There's no load I can't hold
    Road so rough, this I know
    I'll be there when the light comes in
    Just tell 'em we're survivin’," Dr. Teeth held the last line until a loud cymbal crash from Animal.

    "HIGH-WAY!" Animal shouted.

    "I wanna ride it all night long!" Janice sang.

    "If you’re goin’ my way
    I wanna drive it all night long," Floyd sang to Janice.

    The rest of the Muppets were dancing in the aisle of the bus and in their seats.

    "Tuba solo!" Bobo shouted.

    "NO!" answered back the rest of the bus.

    "Life is a highway
    I wanna ride it all night long," the band sang.

    "If you're going my way
    Well, I wanna drive it all night long," they finished.

    "Drive it! Heh heh heh!" Floyd laughed.

    "Oh like, fer sure hon." Janice squeezed her beau.

    "Drive it!" Animal shouted. "All night! All night! Ha ha ha!"

    "Looks like that got Animal riled up," Dr. Teeth mused.

    "And put Zoot out." Floyd pointed to the now-sleeping saxophonist.

    "What doesn’t?" Dr. Teeth laughed.

    "Good grief." Kermit shook his head. "Oh well, at least it’s better than a love song, right Robin?"

    "Right," Robin said, grinning.

    "Moi begs to differ." Piggy curled her lips.

    "You always do," Kermit smirked. "You always do."
  4. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Awesome! I love the song Life is a Highway. Great choice!
  5. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Ditto awesome! I love Scooter and Skeeter consoling each other at the pule that laid on top of Uncle D. Pule? What the heck is a pule anyway? That like a cross between a pig and a mule? Ewwww.
    Also loved Death and The Boss arrived with Uncle D to finish Benny. Come on Prawny, post more! You know wyou want to... You know you have to...
  6. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Mmm, the things I love... Well, the Prawn, for starters, but that goes without saying.

    Foistive all... "He has no pulse!" "He's never had a pulse." It kinda hurts and it's kinda funny. You're good at that. You're fantastic at that. Stop me before I run out of adjectives.

    Nummer zwei, das Spiel- ...wrong language, sorry. Daniel's toy phone. AWESOME! A lovely little poke at IAVMMCM (I love rattling off that acronym...)

    Shalosh, (How many languages can I get into this post...) THE FLAMES! THE LIGHTNING! TAKE THAT, BENNY! HAAAAAA! <ahem> Very exciting.

    Number.... Um... dang it, I can't count any higher in any language other that one I've already used... Oh well. Four. I absolutely ADORE Kermit's answer to Fozzie's, "Where are we?"

    The random Muppet ramble, which I must say, you are SO good at!!! I LOVE the hot glue, the wax, the U.S. citizenship test... Janice's line about under-utilizing their talent! PRICELESS!

    And naturalement, THE SONG! Enough said there.

    Okay, not enough said there. TUBA SOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And OF COURSE, this.

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY it makes me happyflu! ...er... that is, um... <adds to Prawnie/Toga dictionary>

  7. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Hearing Lisa's semi-review... Um, cuatro? *Run to finish segment catro of Valenntomb, which that crazy (term I'm unsure of using for fear of offendig one of my greatest friends when that's ot what I'd mea to do) girl hasn't even noticed so far.
  8. Leyla

    Leyla Well-Known Member

    Hi Prawnie! Yay for updating! That's one of those things I used to do before school swallowed up my energy. Ah, well!

    <laughs> Awesome!

    Your villain is scary, but still funny. You're very good at not letting your stories get too heavy. Of course, I like the heavy stuff too... but it's nice and muppety villainy.

    Ha! What a fun way of bringing them into this. Such a Daniel thing to say too.

    Oooh, tres creepy. I'm quite surprised at the Boss coming along as well... very interesting.

    <laughs> And elsewhere, Gonzo is bored. Somehow I think he'd be bored even if he were in the theatre.

    Nice try averting the Gonzo related chaos, Kermit.

    See, that's a much BETTER try at averting Gonzo- related-

    Oh. Nevermind.

    I sometimes feel that lines like this explain how Kermit wound up with these lovely wackos. You want to come with... eh.... why not! You want to try a new act Gonzo, eh... why not? You want to have a quiet little dinner for two, Miss Piggy... eh... <gulp> Why... not...

    Great choice of song! I can so picture this! I can see it in my mind!... Sorry... got a little distracted there.

    <laughs!> Awesome.

    Good question.

    <giggles> Don't act like you don't enjoy it when she begs, Kermit! Wait... that came out ... exactly like I planned it.

    <slinks off to ushy gush>
  9. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Happy sigh. A long Layla review post. And all is right with the world once again.
  10. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 35

    Benny rubbed his head as he sat up in the seat he had been recently blasted in to. "You’re a real pain in the neck, you know that Deadly?"

    Uncle Deadly cracked his knuckles. "I try."

    Uncle Deadly hopped into the band pit to check on Scooter, Skeeter, and Clifford. All three of whom were somehow intertwined with a musical instrument.

    "ARE THEY ALRIGHT?" Death asked.

    Uncle Deadly rose an eyelid and turned to stare at the cloaked figure. "Pardon?"

    "ARE THE THREE OF THEM ALRIGHT?" Death asked again.

    "Yes... They’re fine." Uncle Deadly helped Skeeter to her feet.

    "More or less," Skeeter said, pulling a triangle out from around her leg.

    Scooter stood up on his own accord, and on someone else’s harpsichord. "Who are these... People?" Scooter asked Clifford.

    "Got me." Clifford tried pulling himself out of a bass drum.

    "This is Death," Uncle Deadly introduced his boss. "And The Boss."

    Clifford and the twins looked the two figures up and down. "Man, why does ‘The Boss’ look like Whoopi Goldberg?"

    "For the record," The Boss interjected. "Goldberg stole my look. I had these braids long before she did."

    The three Muppets exchanged glances. "I am so glad I don’t live with you guys," Skeeter mumbled.

    Benny stood up and jumped back onto the stage. "I hate to break up the party again, again, but I’m not finished here."

    Death turned to look at the gray man who had nearly lost him his job. "WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE MY SCYTHE, DEADLY?"

    "Oh," The Boss bit her lip. "Did I forget to mention that part?"

    "YOU DID, YES," Death sighed.

    "No matter though!" Daniel ran towards the stage. "Go on Boss, just use some divine intervention!"

    The Boss shrugged. "Sorry Danny L., I can’t."

    "What?!" Deadly shouted.

    "WHY NOT?" Death asked.

    "Earth has severe limits on my power. I blame global warming, personally." The Boss perched herself on a box backstage. "Don’t let me mess up your fight though."

    "Don’t worry," Benny said. "I won’t!" The gray man darted himself towards Death, swinging the scythe. Death twirled, dodging the slice. "He who holds the scythe holds the power!" Benny hissed.


    "And I possess the other one!" Uncle Deadly joined Death at his side.

    "I won’t let you take away my life!" Benny cried.


    "I’m not here to talk, Death." Benny’s eyes became red slits on his face.

    "AND I’M NOT HERE TO FIGHT," Death told him.

    "Then we seem to have a problem here." Benny began to walk around Death and Deadly.

    "We can solve this problem," Uncle Deadly told him.

    "ONE OF TWO WAYS," Death said.

    "I was never good at multiple choice tests," Benny sneered.

    "MAKE A MOVE AND YOU’LL MAKE YOUR CHOICE." Death readied himself for what was to come.

    Benny grinned that evil toothy grin. "Fine with me!" Benny shot from where he was standing towards Death and Uncle Deadly. Both of them dove to either side and landed on their feet.

    "Come now Death," Benny started towards him. "It’s not like you have any powers without this scythe anyway!"

    "THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK, IS IT?" Death stood frozen, staring down Benny as he ran towards him.

    "That’s what I-" Benny was stopped, abruptly.

    By Death’s bony palm on his face.


    The sign was big, with huge white print that read "Welcome to California!" And best of all, it was green.

    It was a combination of the two that sparked the huge grin that spread across Kermit’s face as they crossed the state line.

    "Oh boy!" Robin hopped up and down in his seat. "That means we’re almost home, right Uncle Kermit?"

    "That’s right Robin," Kermit told his nephew.

    "Where to first boss frog?" Butch asked from the driver’s seat.

    "Good question. What do you think Rowlf? Fozzie?" Kermit asked his friends.

    "Well, if we go to the boarding house, the Chef will cook for us..." Fozzie said.

    "And if we go to the theater, the Chef will cook for us," Rowlf pointed out.
    "Oh yeah." Fozzie frowned.

    "But didn’t those pirates take all of our keys to the theater anyway?" Rowlf asked.

    "Uh oh..." Fozzie bit his fingers.

    "Sheesh," Kermit sighed. "I forgot about that."

    "But what about Gonzo?" Robin asked.

    "Hmm?" Kermit looked at his nephew.

    "Well, we didn’t find Gonzo again until after the pirates took the keys," Robin said. "Doesn’t Gonzo have one?"

    Kermit smiled and patted Robin on the head. "You just saved us Robin!"

    Kermit stood up and walked back to Gonzo’s seat. "Gonzo, do you have your theater key?"

    "Yup!" Gonzo said. "I didn’t leave it in my other underwear this time."

    "Under where?" Rizzo asked.

    "Good grief." Kermit shook his head. "Hold onto your key Gonzo, we’re gonna need it."

    "You bet, Kermit!" Gonzo grinned.

    "Alright Butch, to the theater!" Kermit told the driver.

    "You heard the frog ya blue behemoth!" Piggy growled. "Move it!"

    "What’s biting her bum?" Pepe asked.

    "That is disgusting!" Sam shouted.

    "Just a question..." Pepe muttered.

    "Everything you say is a question!" Lew Zealand said.

    "Es not my fault, hokay?" Pepe shouted. "Es just how I was born into dis world, hokay? Don’t down me for dat!"

    "Guys, guys, please!" Kermit calmed the waters. "Let’s try not to kill each other until we get back to the theater."

    "Why would we want to kill each other there?" Beauregard asked.

    "Because- Oh, never mind." Kermit stomped off, back to his seat.
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Brilliant as usual. Love that Robin has some smarts about him, despite his present traveling company. Funny dialogue there on the bus.
    Beau: Why would we want to kill each other there?

    And I absolutely love how the Boss and Death arrived to introduce themselves at the theater. Yeah, Goldberg stole her looks from the Boss. The bit at the end is amusing, I just have this image of Death with his bony palm on Benny's forehead as the latter futily swings away with the scythe, much like LoneStar and Lord Helmet from Spaceballs in a similar fight scene.

    Keep it coming Prawn... Almost over, and we need more story fantasticabulousness! Soon! Please!
  12. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member


    Okay so first of all I LOVE The Boss, have I mentioned that? "Goldberg stole my look," "I blame global warming..." IT'S SO AWESOME! "Did I forget to mention that part?"

    And the FIGHT! I LOVE how shocked UD was when Death asked if they were okay, and oh my gosh there is SO much to rave about and WHEE!

    And the bus oh the bus oh the bus! The Welcome to California sign and Gonzo's key and where he keeps it and Pepe's questions and WHEEEEE!

  13. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    I'm baaack! I'm caaaught up! I am LOVING this story! Please, more more!!!
  14. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    He he, this chapter made me giggle, all the fun Muppety comments as they're getting close to home. Especially Gonzo not leaving the key in his other underwear. And the comments about the Chef cooking for them at the boarding house but also at the theatre. Too funny!
  15. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    Dido to what Lisa and Beau have said! Poor Miss Piggy, thinking she would be the one to save the day, only to be passed up for Gonzo!

    More please!
  16. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 36

    Silence lingered as Death held Benny’s face with his palm. Benny breathed through the bony fingers, slowly, and carefully, eyes wider than saucers.

    "GIVE ME MY SCYTHE," Death said, annunciating every syllable, making his point heard.

    Benny Vandergast’s palm tightened around the wooden handle of the scythe. "Give me my life back."

    "YOU HAVE NO LIFE. YOU SHOULD BE DEAD." Death held his grip on Benny’s bony face.

    "Touche Death," Benny whispered. "But that’s what I want. My life. You want your scythe, I want my life. Eye for an eye."

    "I HAVE NO EYES." Death bore through Benny’s head with his lack-of-eyes.
    "Do you accept my trade?" Benny asked harshly.


    "That," Benny swiped at Death’s feet with the scythe, knocking him to the ground. "Is what you think!" Death hit the stage floor hard and Benny repositioned himself on top of him. Benny put his nose right up to Death’s hood. "Who’s making the demands now?"

    Before Death could answer, Benny was tackled off of him by Uncle Deadly. The two wrestled on the stage, their hands met, lightning surged from Uncle Deadly’s palms, and the scythe skidded off along the stage. "Go Death!" Uncle Deadly shouted as Benny squeezed his grip on Deadly’s hands. "Don’t worry about-"

    Benny kicked Deadly right in his chest, sending him shirking to the floor in pain. "No!" Benny lashed out. He made a dive for the scythe, grabbing it and cradling it against his chest. "It is mine!" he hissed.

    Death stood up from the ground, staring at the man holding his scythe. "NO," he said blankly. "NO IT IS NOT."

    Benny’s eyes changed to a cloudy gray color, then went to white. Pure white. "It’s mine!" he shouted, his voice going into a high, uncontrolled pitch. "It’s mine!"

    "VANDERGAST, LISTEN TO ME, YOU CAN’T CONTROL IT." Death stepped forward.

    "I can!" Benny sneered. "It’s mine! You can’t take it! I won’t let you!"

    "Boy’s lost it," Clifford whispered.

    Skeeter wrapped her arms around Clifford’s arm. Scooter looked back at his uncle, still unconscious in the theater seats (Hopefully unconscious anyway). Daniel watched in a mix of awe and horror. "I promise Daniel," Scooter said. "Our normal shows around here aren’t anything like this."

    Daniel gulped. "That’s... that’s very good to know."

    "BOSS..." Death sighed. "PLEASE..."

    The Boss peered over an issue of "Slanderous Junk Weekly" at Death. "Sorry, can’t help you." She crossed her legs and smirked. "But don’t forget, that ones powers aren’t always connected to material possessions." She winked.

    Death’s head shot up in realization. "OF COURSE," he murmured. "ALRIGHT VANDERGAST, LET’S GO, FIGHT ME."

    Benny cackled. "Fight you?! Fight you?! What do you think I’ve been doing ever since I was born?! That’s what everyone does! They fight off Death! Most people just don’t get to do it face to face!" Benny jumped up from his crumpled position on the floor and fired a blast of heat at Death.

    Death extended both his bony arms and caught the flames between his palms, taking in the energy.

    Benny landed on all fours, the scythe still clenched between his fists. He charged at Death, as he neared, he swung downwards, as Death jumped over Benny, landing behind him, Benny connected scythe with stage. Benny tried to free the blade from the wood, but it wouldn’t budge.

    "MY TURN!" Death declared, shooting his arms in the air, preparing to strike.

    "UNCLE DEEEEEEEEEADLY!" Sal’s voice rang through the theater. "We brought ya some canolis!" The monkey trotted into the seating area, catching the eyes of every person and Muppet in the theater. "Oh... is this a bad time?"

    "Why would this be a bad time?" Kermit asked, pushing his way into the theater. "We should be the only ones-" Kermit doubled back in horror. "Hubba hubba wha’?!" His Saturn-shaped eyes drew in all the goings on inside the Muppet Theater.

    "PAR-TY! PAR-TY!"

    "Geez, Kerm, if you’re gonna rent the place out, do it in a classy way, ya know?"

    "Yo, green stuff! If our instruments are busted are we covered in the insurance?"

    "Kermie, vous did not tell moi that there was a party here while we were gone! Oh! It must be a surprise party! I’ll go change!"

    "Mee mo meep me mo!"

    "...Is this the meeting of the Fozzie Bear fan club?"

    "Nah, t’ere’s too many people here."

    "Hey, who invited Whoopi Goldberg?"

    "Uncle Kermit?" Robin tugged at his stupefied uncle. "This isn’t really a party, is it?"

    Kermit slowly shook his head. "Uh, no... no Robin, I don’t think so."

    "Kermit," Uncle Deadly said softly from on stage. "Be gone."

    Kermit gulped. "No. We’re a family, and we’re sticking together."

    Death heard Kermit’s sentiments and let out a happy sigh, he had made the right decision.

    But Benny was completely ready to make him regret it. He ripped the scythe from the floor, scattering wood splinters everywhere.

    "Hey, we just had that floor re-fur-bished!" Beauregard said.

    "Si, we had to fill in a pork-hole!" Pepe shouted.

    The Muppets made their way down the aisle. Kermit was clenching Robin’s hand in his, not planning on letting go anytime soon. His eyes caught Daniel’s as they made their way down the aisle, Kermit pulled aside to talk to him. "Daniel?" Kermit asked. "Wha- What are you doing here?"

    "I’m not actually sure," Daniel scratched his head. "At first I was here to make sure Clifford, Uncle Deadly, Skeeter, and Scooter were okay, and now-"

    "That’s nice Daniel," Kermit snubbed him off, joining the rest of the group in front of the band pit. "Clifford! Scooter!" Kermit called.

    "Yo Kerm! Nice timing, dude," Clifford said.

    Benny swung away recklessly at Death. Death continued dodging. "FROG!" Death shouted to Kermit. "GET UNCLE DEADLY OFF OF THE STAGE!"

    Kermit nodded. "Right."

    "Left," Zoot said, half asleep as always.

    "Augh!" Kermit groaned. "Alright, Sweetums, grab Uncle Deadly."

    "You got it, boss!" The monster reached on stage and drug Uncle Deadly off by his tail.

    "No," Deadly moaned. "Don’t let me go!" The phantom clenched his stomach.

    "We’re not going anywhere," Gonzo reassured him. "Kermit, do what you have to do, I’ll take care of Uncle Deadly!"

    Kermit nodded. "Thanks Gonzo."

    Gonzo put a hand on Kermit’s shoulder and nodded before running off to aid Uncle Deadly’s pain as Sweetums set him on the floor.

    "Kermit, what can I do?" Fozzie asked.

    Kermit examined the situation, he looked at all angles of the theater, formatting a plan. "Fozzie?" Kermit looked right into his best friend’s eyes.

    "Yes?" Fozzie asked, ready to sing a cabaret number if Kermit asked him to (and he half expected him to).

    "I want you to get on stage and tell jokes," Kermit told him.


    "That’s right," Kermit said. "We need distractions, lots of ‘em."

    "Hey man," Floyd called. "I’ve been told we could distract a dog from its bone!"

    "Or, like, Animal from a woman!" Janice laughed.

    "WO-MAN! WO-MAN!" Animal chanted.

    "Good!" Kermit pointed to the band.

    "I could deliver a compelling speech arguing the morals of-" Sam began.
    "We don’t wanna put ‘em to sleep, Sam," Rowlf said.

    "Beau," Kermit addressed the janitor.

    "Me?" Beauregard asked, shocked.

    "Yes, I want you and Sweetums to get out all the sets and special effects we have wired up right now, and go crazy!" Kermit told him.

    "Oh, my specialty!" The janitor ran off.

    "Lew, you’re on boomerang fish duty!"

    "Ah ha! Finally, my big break!"

    "Johnny, you and Sal put on a number!"

    "You got it!"


    "Good." Kermit nodded. He looked around and gulped. "Er, Harry...?"

    Crazy Harry cackled, staring at the frog with his huge eyes.

    "Light duty," Kermit declared.

    "He he he! Crazy Harry blind them!" Harry laughed.

    Kermit thought for a second. "Clifford?"

    "Yeah man?" the co-host responded.

    "You better go with him."

    "...Why me, man? Why is it always me?" Clifford sulked off after Harry, with Skeeter toddling behind.

    "Camilla? Rizzo?"



    "Round up the chickens and the rats, let loose!"

    "Bawk brawk!"

    "Heh! C’mon Pepe!"

    "Si, si, vamanos!"

    "Well, that looks like everyone," Kermit told Robin.

    "Mister Kermit sir! Mister Kermit!" Bunsen ran up. "What about Beaker and I?"
    Kermit smirked. "Go wild."

    "Oh! Delightful! Come now Beaker!" Bunsen shouted, pulling Beaker off with him.

    "Mo!!" Beaker shrieked.

    "Yo, frog!" Butch shouted. "You forgot Clyde and me!"

    "Clyde and I," Clyde corrected. Butch thumped Clyde on the head with his fist. "Yeah," Clyde said dizzily. "What about Butch and me?"

    Kermit scratched his head. "Um, well," he stuttered. "You could-"

    "Try and sell them travel arrangements!" Robin shouted.

    Kermit grinned. "Try to sell them travel arrangements!"

    "Right! C’mon Clyde, where’re those brochures?" Butch asked as the duo ran off.

    Scooter ran up to Kermit carrying a clipboard and a Styrofoam cup. "Boss! Boss! I brought you some coffee!"

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Sheesh. Good to see you again Scooter."

    "We’re still gonna need somethin’ big Kermit," Rowlf said.

    "Don’t worry," Kermit said. "I’m sure we’ll think of something."

    Piggy burst through the doors wearing a gleaming silver dress and a bright pink boa around her neck with a massive feathered hat on her head. "Moi am here." She breathed.

    Kermit’s grin grew huge. "Rowlf?"

    "Yeah Kermit?"

    "I think I thought of something."
  17. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    AWEOMSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...Er, that is, um, AWESOME!!!!!!!!! FANTASTICABULOUS! EVERYBODY'S BACK AT THE THEATER WAHOOOOOOOOOO! And they're all pullin' together and Kermit's giving orders and The Boss is reading SLANDEROUS JUNK WEEKLY! HA! Oh my gosh there's so much to love and Prawnie I oh-so-totally GLOMP YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

    MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Indeed! What she said... More please!
  19. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 37

    Kermit straightened the white bow-tie on his old tuxedo. "Boss?" Scooter called.

    "Yes?" Kermit and The Boss both answered. They looked askance at each other, than The Boss returned to her magazine and Kermit returned to Scooter.

    "Well, I was going to say fifteen seconds to curtain," Scooter said.

    "And?" Kermit asked.

    "We don’t have a curtain," Scooter said regretfully.

    "...Well that’s disappointing." Kermit frowned.

    "So, um, fifteen seconds to show time?" Scooter asked.

    Kermit nodded. "Sounds good." He returned to fixing his tie.

    "Uh, boss?"

    "What is it Scooter?"

    "It’s been fifteen seconds."

    "Oh! Good grief!" Kermit darted out on stage, right into the line of fire. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen! And welcome again to The Muppet Show!"

    Death and Benny stopped their ceaseless fighting and stared at the frog.

    "We’ve got a great show for you tonight full of-"

    "WHAT ARE YOU DOING FROG?" Death asked.

    "Introducing the show of course!" Kermit told the slender figure.

    Benny snarled. "I didn’t authorize any show at my theater!"

    "Well, we were booked before it became your theater," Kermit said. "Anyway, as I was saying the show is sure to be one distracting thing after another!"

    Death wished he had eyes so they could grow wider. These Muppets were risking their very lives. For him.

    "So here it is! Our opening number!" Kermit slid off the stage.

    Lew Zealand ran on stage with a set of sets following him. Beauregard and Sweetums drug out ever different set the Muppets had used over the years for Lew’s boomerang fish act and the Electric Mayhem were playing a made up tune as fish flew through the air.

    Meanwhile, backstage, Kermit continued to fiddle with his bow-tie. Fozzie came running up to him. "Kermit! Kermit! Kermit!"

    "What is it Fozzie?" Kermit asked, annoyed with the bear and the bow.

    "Do you think my jokes will die on stage? Ah! Get it? Die! Wocka! Wocka!" Fozzie shouted.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Don’t peak too early Fozzie."

    "I’ll try not to," Fozzie said. He glanced out on stage and bit his fingers. "Um, Kermit, Lew’s fish just got fried."

    Lew came running offstage screaming. "He turned Connie Sue into fish sticks!"

    Kermit gulped. "I’m not sure we know quite what we’re up against here."

    Fozzie began to fidget with his tie. "Um, uh, well, Kermit, there’s something I’ve been, uh, meaning to talk to you about, see, well, the thing is, I’m feeling like, well, um-"

    "Quit belly-achin’ son!" Emily Bear shouted from the upper level. "They need ya out there!"

    "Really?" Fozzie asked.

    "Of course!" Emily shouted.

    Kermit put his hand on Fozzie’s paw. "Of course we need you Fozzie."

    Fozzie stood up straight from his jolt of courage. "I am a confident bear!" he declared. "I can do this!" Fozzie made his way out onto the stage.

    "Yeah, just hope we don’t have an extra bear skin rug aftah this," Rizzo said with a chorus of rats laughing behind him.

    "Not funny, Rizzo," Kermit scolded. "Are those all the rats?"

    "All I could find. Most of ‘em went to the big ‘Plague Carriers of ‘68' convention." Rizzo bit into an apple.

    "Go find Camilla and the chickens and make your way down to the canteen," Kermit told the rats. "And make as big of a mess as you can."

    The rats cheered. "Our pleasure!" Rizzo shouted. "Alright boys, move it out!"

    As the rats scampered down towards the canteen, Kermit’s bow-tie reared its ugly head again. "This is why I don’t wear clothes," he muttered.

    "YIIII!!" Fozzie squealed as he came running backstage, grabbing Kermit by his neck, visibly shaking. "He-He-He-" Fozzie stuttered.

    "He what? What Fozzie?" Kermit asked.

    "He-He didn’t th-throw tomatoes at me!" Fozzie moaned.

    "...Fozzie, that’s great," Kermit said.

    "Instead he hurled fireballs!" Fozzie shook the frog.

    "Well-That’s-To-Be-Expec-ted!" Kermit said in-between shakes from the bear. "He-Is-The-Bad-Guy!"

    "Not just him!" Fozzie finally let go. "Death was shooting fire pillars from the sky!"

    Kermit did a double take. "Say again?"

    "Fire pillars from the sky!" Fozzie shouted.

    Kermit looked around Fozzie’s shoulder out on stage where Johnny and Sal attempted a soothing blues rendition of "I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night".

    "Well, aren’t you going to say anything?!" Fozzie whined.

    "Yeah," Kermit smiled. "Death has got Statler and Waldorf licked at this heckling thing."

    "But Kermit-"

    "Scooter, is Piggy ready?" Kermit called to the go-fer.

    "Hilda just finished patching a seam." Scooter stuck his head into Piggy’s dressing room door. "She says it’s her best work yet!"

    "Oh good," Kermit said. "Fozzie?" Kermit put his arm on his best friend’s shoulder.

    "What?" Fozzie moaned.

    "Thanks." Kermit ran out onto the stage.

    Fozzie stood, dumbfounded. "Um, well, you’re welcome."

    "Off! Off! Off! Off!" Kermit shouted at Johnny and Sal, waving his arms to get them off. He turned and faced the seats and the audience of Daniel and the unconscious J.P. Grosse. "Thank you! Thank you! Are you enjoying the show so far?"

    "Yeah, it’s a real blast!" Benny shouted, firing from the scythe at Kermit.

    Kermit did what frogs do best, jump, dodging the blast. "Nice pun, maybe you could take Fozzie’s place."

    "Hey!" Fozzie called from offstage.

    "Just kidding, Fozzie," Kermit said. "And now ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the fantastic Miss Piggy."

    Clifford flipped on the spotlight to stage right, where a glistening leg in a likewise glistening heel stepped out. Rowlf played a chord on the piano as Piggy’s rapturous voice began to sing.

    "It’s very clear
    Our love is here
    To stay
    ." The diva stepped out completely. She was wearing a long, glistening silver dress that dragged behind her with matching silver gloves. Her bouncing silver locks flowed from her head resembling clouds.

    "Not for a year
    Forever, and a day," she finished the first verse.

    "The radio and the telephone
    And the movies that we know
    May just be passing fancy
    And in time may go." By this time she had made her way to center stage, next to Kermit. Benny stared on in awe at the lovely couple.

    "But oh my dear," Kermit sang to her, grasping her hand in his.
    "Our love is here to stay."

    "Together we’re
    Going a long, long way." They harmonized.

    "In time the Rockies may crumble
    Gibralter may tumble
    They’re only made of clay
    But-" Kermit sang.

    "Our love is here
    To stay," Piggy finished.

    "In time, the Rockies may crumble," Kermit sang.

    "Gibralter may tumble," Piggy swooned.

    "They’re only made of clay," sang Kermit.

    "But-" Piggy added.

    "Our love is here...
    To stay..." Their eyes met as they breathed out the final note. Their faces grew closer, and closer, Piggy’s eyes sparkled in the spotlight, Kermit’s eyes gleamed at her beauty.

    "That is enough!" Benny slammed the base of the scythe on the stage floor, causing a tremor that knocked the frog and the pig off their feet.

    Piggy growled. "What lousy timing!"

    "I’m done." Benny gasped. "It’s time for me to end this."

    Benny slammed the scythe on the floor again, this time turning on all the lights inside the theater. Around his feet dust swirled as energy filled his body. His eyes grew clouded with red as if someone had dropped red food-coloring in water. He shot the scythe up above his head and began screaming.

    "NO!" Death ran at Benny, only to be knocked back by an invisible shield around him.

    "If I can’t have this theater!" Benny wailed. "No one can!"
  20. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Oh! That was wonderful! So much chaos and yet it' all so entertaining.
    Loved when Kermit and the Boss looked at Scooter when the gofer called for just 'Boss'.
    The rats scampering off, excited that they'll get to make as big a mess as possible.
    The fact the Muppets aren't letting a little thing like a vengeful ex-theater owner get in the way of putting on a show...But I'm scared for what Benny's going to do with the scythe to obliterate the theater. Come on Death, if you can't tackle im head on, then use some of your other parlor tricks to stop him before he goes too far.

    Of course, I want this to go too far, so far as to another update. More please!

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